For me being on the conscious path means that my path is one of awareness and transformation.
It means that my whole life revolves around growth, self-development, healing, learning, stretching my limits, taking risks, expanding, doing what scares me, etc. Transformation is my bitch (I think it’s time to change the connotation of that word, don’t you?).
It’s what fuels my life, it’s who I am, it’s what I want and it’s my one and only pathway to Soul.
But fuck it’s messy!
I hate it so much at times, it makes me miserable, insecure, scared and even terrified. In this path of consciousness I perpetually question myself and my actions, I always want to do better, to surpass myself, which means doing new things all the time. Which means being crippled by doubt, fear, insecurity and hiding hours at a time in bed with comfort food and TV shows.
But yes there’s all of that and also … there’s the magic of suddenly realizing one day that I’ve changed and grown, there’s the magic of sharing my work and someone telling me I inspired them (that’s really big magic) there’s the magic of healing my old wounds and feeling love for myself for the first time, there’s the magic of doing something that scares me so much and afterwards getting that priceless feeling of … vibrant aliveness.
Yet, when I am deep into my own struggle I forget why I am in it, I loose the big picture and it’s important then that I know and remember that this path is a messy one, that it can feel really shitty at times or that I’ll have no idea what I am doing, or that I’ll feel like I am going nowhere! Yes there will be days when things get super hard.
I am on a path of transformation, me feeling like shit will happen, is it normal.
So I can stop blaming myself for it, stop judging myself for it, and instead commit even deeper to my chosen path and keep going.
In Consciousness, in Love, for Transformation, for Essence.
Big bow to all of you Sisters out there who are on this path and huge gratitude because this is a path not to be taken alone, we need each other.
So much love to you and a big squeeze,
Yes, keep going. I’m there with you sister. ♡♡♡
This is so true. I love how open you are about it. Especially “… remember this path is a messy one.” It absolutely is, for all of the reasons you wrote. And that also makes is interesting. Beautiful piece, Julie. <3
This stage is marked by the swing between resistance and letting go, with moments of clarity and enlightenment, but they don’t last. It is very common to have multiple experiences of awakening in this stage and even to believe that each one is the final awakening; only to find yourself back in “reality”, hours, days or weeks later. With each experience of awakening, the sense of your higher self grows stronger. You are unknowingly making room for this real self to emerge in your consciousness and integrate in your life.