I have a tendency to diminish my accomplishments, to feel like I am never doing enough, sometimes I feel like a loser, it seems like I can never live up to my high expectations!
I think many of us on this path experience this, we are very perfectionist, always looking for the next thing we can achieve, do better and do more, improve, improve, always improve! Yes I do want to always improve, but not as a condition of my worthiness.
We are so hard on ourselves.
But it doesn’t help our purpose and the truth is it feels really crappy. And I know I can dig an even deeper hole for myself when I compare with successful sisters and get stuck in smallness by feelings of envy and jealousy. I don’t want to keep myself small and stuck! I want to do what I came here to do feeling empowered and expansive.
So one morning I remember very clearly I woke up and I don’t recall why but I started to think of myself, twenty years ago. Of who I was then and what my hopes and dreams were for myself. And I started to see my present life through the eyes of my younger self, and, and… suddenly I got this wow sensation. Wow, I would have been impressed! Yes my younger self would be impressed with who I am today.
It’s true that in some areas of my life I am not where I thought I’d be now, or where I wanted to be now, and also, I could never have imagined or dreamed of the gifts that I find myself called to share and of the work I am doing!!
If I look at it all from my younger self, it feels like magic.
And how wonderful would it be if I, today could feel like my life was magic! I do have little instants when I feel the magic in my life but my insecurities, stories, patterns, etc. come in quick to bring me back to “safety”.
It’s OK, it’s the journey, the process, the path. Now that I have been aware of this for some time, and feeling into it, looking at it, and getting my younger’s self wisdom on it, I am ready to create new stories for myself, stories that will be the truth of who I am today, and stop living through stories that belong to a far away yesterday.
And in the process of transformation, when it’s tough to see the truth through the thickness of shadowy filters, I can channel my younger self’s beautiful spirit and ask her to remind me of what’s what, and could she please give me hug too?
Love & magic.